I have shared many transformation Tuesdays on my various social media platforms but perhaps not many here on the blog! And since this is the second last Tuesday of 2019 I thought it would be a good day to share.
Only a few days left in 2019. Good time to reflect!
No…I didnt join a gym in 2019. Probably won’t in 2020 either 😂👍 I don’t have to over exercise or kill myself in the gym to “burn off calories” I did however participate in the occasional Zumba class, took up clogging (really just glorified tap dancing) swam almost daily in the summer and made friends with the sidewalk. 😂
I increased my carbs by a lot….so many beans, potatos and different kinds of fruits. I’ve never eaten so much in my life. My mindset has changed. My relationship to food and life in general has improved. I have let go of a ton of food fears and myths (um, hello fruit I love you). My health continues to improve. It’s the kindest I’ve ever been to my body and self in my life.
I never feel the need, desire or urge to binge or restrict. It’s such a relief. I have noticed that there is still unfortunately an unhealthy diet culture even in the “plant based” community which I seemed to have ventured into on this journey. Very structured, rigid, unforgiving, using disordered eating language and more. 🤦♀️ it’s so easy to get sucked in. I have had a hard time throughout this journey with putting a label on how I have been losing the weight i.e high carb? Low fat? Plant based? Which you will see if you read over my previous blog posts. In the end none of these labels matter. The way I have been improving my life is no better than anyone elses way and doesn’t really need a label. It’s unique to me and that will have to be good enough 🙂 This is what I will continue to share, my journey – messy yet authentic and ever changing.
If you need one takeaway from this let it be this: Be kind to yourself today and every day.
I have also started a Youtube channel – join me by subscribing if you are interested in keeping up with my journey 🙂
Most of this was written in 2017. I have made some changes and updated the end of it 🙂 Enjoy!
Today, On world kindness day, I’d like to talk a little bit about body image and self acceptance. Yes, it’s very important to be kind to one another but most importantly we be kind to ourselves. It was only when I reached this point and viewing myself in the highest light possible that I could start releasing the physical weight.
What does it mean to really accept oneself? How do we get to this place of true self acceptance and happiness – no matter what our outer shell looks like. Did you know that your negative self talk can actually affect other people and bring them down? Coming from someone who has struggled with disordered eating and disordered thought processes for many, many years….I hope you know that you can trust what I’m about to tell you!
This has been a true lifelong struggle of mine. Despite reaching my highest weight of 265 in 2017 I still felt OK (albeit a little too comfortable in that position).
I accepted myself despite the facts. I had hated myself for so many years before that and I was weary and tired. It always felt like a sense of dread and self loathing in my own skin. For many years – I couldn’t even look at myself in a mirror. I used to be so down on myself and negative…it really affected my life and relationships. I wasted SO MANY YEARS!!! I wouldn’t buy myself new outfits – I’d wear the same thing day after day. I found joy in nothing. I was stuck in shitty friendships where I let people take advantage of me and just put up with the SHIT. I would stay in bed ALOT and not leave the house. I had developed a pretty nasty binge eating disorder.
I am writing this so that you don’t do the same. It’s imperative that we change our thoughts – it will change our life. And nothing can change…I repeat NOTHING – if you do not change the way you think. It takes time. For me it took years. For me over 25 years. And sometimes the thoughts revert back…but I don’t let them float around in my head for very long. I observe them, see what they might mean and then let them go.
Something has slowly shifted in my thought process over the past two years. It actually really bothers me now when I hear in person or read online negative self talk (i.e girls/guys talking about “fat” they are or other people fat shaming people”) It makes me sad and brings me back to all those years I wasted being caught up in the negative self talk and chaotic thought process that goes along with that. All that time I wasted in suffering mode rather than making conscious change to do something positive about it.
Lets get real…Ok – I have FAT still (a lot of it) I have cellulite, I have stretch marks – these are all just facts for the moment. They are fluid facts…they will change and have started to change since last year (sometimes completely) and improve over time. These current facts do not describe me fully as a human being. I have learned to not let it affect me. I find joy in shopping now even if it’s at plus sized stores (who cares?) I find clothing that fits my body how it is now. I thought my plus size wedding dress fit me perfectly and I wore the hell out of it! I did not starve myself just because my wedding day was down the road. Just because I accept myself now fully for what I am, does not mean I want to stay here nor does it mean that I am a stagnant rock, not wanting to improve my outer shell. No…I do want to continually make improvements – but for my own sanity and for the sanity of those around me I had to switch my thought process – I had to shed the negativity which filled me with chaos and depression for many years. I don’t allow these things to stress me out anymore and dictate how my days will be. I could not function that way. I had to let it go.
And it was a struggle…and I got it wrong…and I had to work HARD at it. And it’s still a struggle and it’s something I’m going to have to continue to work on. But it was possible. Little by little I started feeling better. I got happier, I felt better in the morning, I found joy in that plus size outfit I was rocking…I found joy in putting on some makeup, made positive life changes, dropped negative relationships and surrounded myself with positive people. Along with that I tried my best to drop the negative self talk. Things moved fast for me. I met the most amazing man who supported and uplifted me, some negative relationships had to fall away, I left a job where I was forced to continually work with a negative co-worker, got engaged, moved in with my man, got married. I found new passions and talents. And I attribute all of these amazing positive life changes to deciding to accept myself fully no matter what that looked like for me from day to day. I know you can do this too and if you are struggling, feel free to drop me a line – I can lend an ear and see if I can shed some light and perhaps some hope.
It is now November of 2019. Since writing this (above) in 2017 I have lost over 40 pounds, I am able to walk long distances with my dog every day, my BMI has dropped by over 8 points, I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food has improved. I have enrolled in a holistic nutrition program in the hopes of helping others some day.
You can rewire yourself and shift your reality! You don’t need to be in the same place this time, next year.
Hope you are all well. I have had a slow start “back to reality” after a wonderful holiday by the lake visiting my parents with Brent and Lola. Delicious food was consumed, sometimes yes, extra food was consumed! To save you some time yes I weighed in this Monday (it is now Thursday) and no…I did not lose not one pound however I did maintain, which makes me happy. Sometimes you have to go with the flow of life and it’s not always going to turn out as you wish.
Monday August 19
Breakfast: Gluten free toast with peanut butter and jam
Lunch: Salad with arugula, spinach, cooked mushrooms, black beans and pico de gallo
Snack: Protein shake with almond milk, ground flax, ice, cinnamon, and Sunwarrior protein powder
Snack: Homemade tea brew of nettle, yarrow and calendula
Dinner: Left over vegan cheddar broccoli Soup with garlic naan bread
Exercise: 45 minutes of swimming laps
Healing herbs: Nettle, yarrow and calendula – very healing for females especially
August 20th (My birthday!)
Breakfast: Tim hortons Beyond Meat sausage and tomato biscuit a hash brown and orange juice (Brent treated me to birthday breakfast on his way to work which was very sweet of him)
Lunch: Mixed Veggies with hummus
Dinner: Brent made a lovely mixed veggie and potato stew
Dessert: Daiya Key lime cashew cheezecake
We were supposed to go out for dinner but the restaurant I really wanted to go to was shut on this day.Brent’s homemade veggie stew was just as good as any restaurant.
Exercise: 30 minutes of swimming laps
Wednesday August 21
Breakfast: Coffee with soy creamer, two natures path maple waffles with maple syrup and blueberries
I snacked on veggies throughout the day
Dinner: We tried to go to the restaurant – The Plant Diner – that I really wanted to go to. It serves 95 percent vegan food and 5 percent meat. This is a place vegetarians or people looking to eat mainly plant based can bring their carnivore friends! They have basically flipped the standard restaurant where it’s usually 95 percent meat based dishes and 5 percent vegetarian and vegan. Unfortunately it was SO packed that we could not get a table. I was greatly disappointed however the night turned around. We decided to eat at Montana’s which is one of Brent fave restaurants. It is mainly meat based but they have recently revised their menu and offer a few veggie options. I ordered the veggie burger (despite the fact that it had goat cheese and regular mayo on it) I enjoyed it anyway and didn’t let it bother me. I got french fries with it. I also enjoyed an adult bevvie – the “big mama” a spiked lemonade. Overall it was a fun Birthday meal. I’m not perfect. I am human. My food choices will never be perfect.
Thursday August 22
Breakfast: Coffee with soy cream, Udis gluten free cinnamon raisin bagel with earth balance butter and peanut butter
Lunch: Veggie sandwich using tomatos, pickles, olives, cucumbers and honey mustard
Dinner: I felt like a light dinner tonight. I had a Protein shake using Sunwarrior protein powder, frozen banana, cinnamon, flax, ice and cashew milk
Exercise: 45 minute walk and 45 minute swimming laps’
Getting that vitamin D and reading in – starting the Liver Rescue 3:6:9 in a few days!
Friday August 23
Busy day packing and cleaning today!
Breakfast: Fruit bowl consisting of mango, blueberries and hulled hemp seeds and chia seeds
Lunch: Cucumber chopped with hummus and garlic naan
Dinner: On the road – New Orleans plant based spicy pineapple pizza (small) topped with dairy free mozza cheeze, yves “ham” red onion, pineapple and jalapenos. I dipped my crust in marinara sauce. This was absolutely delicious and TMI but…did NOT make me run to the toilet in pain with diarrhea. The last time I had REAL pizza was end of May. I spent two days in bed and had painful bowel movements, diarrhea, and stomach cramps. Regular cheese does not like my body.
Saturday August 24
So happy to wake up in Port Elgin! I love spending my days outside. I feel this connection with nature. It uplifts me, renews my spirit and just makes me feel amazing!
Breakfast: Coffee with soy cream, Udis gluten free cinnamon raisin bagel (brought this with us)
Lunch: Stopped at my fave place “The Pea pod” TO pick up lunch and dinner. For lunch I got the cheezy chickun taco which was delish.
Snack: Large peach – so juicy!
Dinner: Half of the burrito bowl from the Pea pod. Full of good stuff!
Exercise: Short walk with Brent and Lola
Sunday August 25
Breakfast: Fruit and yogurt bowl using silk coconut unsweetened yogurt, strawberries, blueberries, peaches, hemp seeds, chia seeds
Lunch: Left overs from my burrito bowl
Dinner: A Sol veggie burger on an O Dough vegan/gluten free and no sugar added hamburger bun with fresh green beans
Exercise: Short walk with husband and Lola
Enjoyed time at the beach today – was super windy and the waves were crashing but we both had child like fun jumping through the waves! The water has warmed up as well – it was maybe 74-75 degrees.
We also enjoyed a camp fire at night!
I didn’t lose any weight this week – however i enjoyed my food and my holidays. I also didn’t exercise as much or as long as I typically would have. Overall it was a nice holiday spent with my parents and husband and Lola of course! I feel a lot better than I have in ages. I attribute this to dietary changes, an increase in exercise, getting outside more and my emotions and mentality getting stronger. I look for the good in things and try not to always focus on the bad or negative. This has been a work in progress for me as I lived my life for a great many years always looking at the “bad” or negative and complaining about things that I could easily change.
Now if you are a man reading this you might want to tune out…I’d like to talk a little bit about changes in my cycle. So I have been making changes to my eating habits since around June. I have been limiting animal products and oils as well. Despite best efforts sometimes the fat levels may be higher than I would have wanted them but it’s been a work in progress.
This month I noticed distinct cycle changes. My cycle was around 7 days late (which stressed me out of course that probably made everything worse) but when it came….cramps weren’t that bad and my flow was super light. This is very unusual for me. Most of my life I have suffered pretty heavy flow and horrific cramps. Could this be the dietary changes as well as the new supplement regime lightening everything up? I’m not sure, but if it is, it’s definitely a welcomed change.
Stay tuned..I have more posts to share with you all this week 🙂