Self Sabotage

This topic is an important part of my journey – and a very important self realization for me that I included it as a sub topic in the “about me section”. Can you relate? Have you played a role in any of your suffering, weight gain, disease etc…? I know I have.

After a great deal of reflection, self analysis, shadow work and inner child work I have come to realize that my path has been rife with self sabotage up until just recently. I had EVERY excuse under the sun to not exercise, to not spend time outside, to not choose healthy, nutritious foods that actually agreed with my body and to simply take proper self care. I didn’t care to heal myself or my life. Even if someone handed me all of that on a silver platter, I bet you I could still come up with the reasons why that I could not and would not do that. I did not feel worthy of what might come along with making these integral changes in my life.

I have realized that I had everything I needed all along, the knowledge, the power, the tools within myself but deep deep down I was afraid. Afraid to take a chance, afraid to stand up against the status quo, afraid to say no to the typical S.A.D (standard north american diet) I had a deep routed fear of being seen by those around me and such a low level of self confidence from trauma that I have been through throughout my life that I could not get beyond. I played into the trauma that happened to me and let it affect me more than it should have. I was afraid to really LIVE and start my life. I was holding onto the past and the negative patterns and unable to break free.

This pattern of self sabotage became my own personal hell and identification. It was the never ending hamster wheel that I could not get off. Until one day I said no more. I will no longer accommodate the pattern of self sabotage that had become apart of me and I no longer will identify with that. I will no longer kill myself with food, negativity and nasty self talk. I love life, I love myself and I want to live! Like…really live. Disease free. I will no longer accept that I have to live with the disease that I created in my body by the choices of self sabotage that I once made. I have the power to say no and to change. We all do.

The thing is…i was never ready before now. Everyone will have to come to this point in their own time of acceptance and letting go and making the choice. And I’m just glad that my time is now.

Food & Exercise Journal – August 19-25, Holidays, Birthday and Girl talk

Hello everyone!

Hope you are all well. I have had a slow start “back to reality” after a wonderful holiday by the lake visiting my parents with Brent and Lola. Delicious food was consumed, sometimes yes, extra food was consumed! To save you some time yes I weighed in this Monday (it is now Thursday) and no…I did not lose not one pound however I did maintain, which makes me happy. Sometimes you have to go with the flow of life and it’s not always going to turn out as you wish.

Monday August 19

Breakfast: Gluten free toast with peanut butter and jam

Lunch: Salad with arugula, spinach, cooked mushrooms, black beans and pico de gallo

Snack: Protein shake with almond milk, ground flax, ice, cinnamon, and Sunwarrior protein powder

Snack: Homemade tea brew of nettle, yarrow and calendula

Dinner: Left over vegan cheddar broccoli Soup with garlic naan bread

Dessert: Watermelon

Exercise: 45 minutes of swimming laps

Healing herbs: Nettle, yarrow and calendula – very healing for females especially

August 20th (My birthday!)

Breakfast: Tim hortons Beyond Meat sausage and tomato biscuit a hash brown and orange juice (Brent treated me to birthday breakfast on his way to work which was very sweet of him)

Lunch: Mixed Veggies with hummus

Dinner: Brent made a lovely mixed veggie and potato stew

Dessert: Daiya Key lime cashew cheezecake

We were supposed to go out for dinner but the restaurant I really wanted to go to was shut on this day. Brent’s homemade veggie stew was just as good as any restaurant.

Exercise: 30 minutes of swimming laps

Wednesday August 21

Breakfast: Coffee with soy creamer, two natures path maple waffles with maple syrup and blueberries

I snacked on veggies throughout the day

Dinner: We tried to go to the restaurant – The Plant Diner – that I really wanted to go to. It serves 95 percent vegan food and 5 percent meat. This is a place vegetarians or people looking to eat mainly plant based can bring their carnivore friends! They have basically flipped the standard restaurant where it’s usually 95 percent meat based dishes and 5 percent vegetarian and vegan. Unfortunately it was SO packed that we could not get a table. I was greatly disappointed however the night turned around. We decided to eat at Montana’s which is one of Brent fave restaurants. It is mainly meat based but they have recently revised their menu and offer a few veggie options. I ordered the veggie burger (despite the fact that it had goat cheese and regular mayo on it) I enjoyed it anyway and didn’t let it bother me. I got french fries with it. I also enjoyed an adult bevvie – the “big mama” a spiked lemonade. Overall it was a fun Birthday meal. I’m not perfect. I am human. My food choices will never be perfect.

Thursday August 22

Breakfast: Coffee with soy cream, Udis gluten free cinnamon raisin bagel with earth balance butter and peanut butter

Lunch: Veggie sandwich using tomatos, pickles, olives, cucumbers and honey mustard

Dinner: I felt like a light dinner tonight. I had a Protein shake using Sunwarrior protein powder, frozen banana, cinnamon, flax, ice and cashew milk

Exercise: 45 minute walk and 45 minute swimming laps’

Getting that vitamin D and reading in – starting the Liver Rescue 3:6:9 in a few days!

Happy girl after a long walk

Friday August 23

Busy day packing and cleaning today!

Breakfast: Fruit bowl consisting of mango, blueberries and hulled hemp seeds and chia seeds

Lunch: Cucumber chopped with hummus and garlic naan

Dinner: On the road – New Orleans plant based spicy pineapple pizza (small) topped with dairy free mozza cheeze, yves “ham” red onion, pineapple and jalapenos. I dipped my crust in marinara sauce. This was absolutely delicious and TMI but…did NOT make me run to the toilet in pain with diarrhea. The last time I had REAL pizza was end of May. I spent two days in bed and had painful bowel movements, diarrhea, and stomach cramps. Regular cheese does not like my body.

Saturday August 24

So happy to wake up in Port Elgin! I love spending my days outside. I feel this connection with nature. It uplifts me, renews my spirit and just makes me feel amazing!

Breakfast: Coffee with soy cream, Udis gluten free cinnamon raisin bagel (brought this with us)

Lunch: Stopped at my fave place “The Pea pod” TO pick up lunch and dinner. For lunch I got the cheezy chickun taco which was delish.

Snack: Large peach – so juicy!

Dinner: Half of the burrito bowl from the Pea pod. Full of good stuff!

Exercise: Short walk with Brent and Lola

I put this in the fridge and saved it until dinner which is why that beautiful avocado has turned spotty! This has layers of rice, corn, cucumber, grilled peppers, onions, sweet potato, lime juice, cashew sour cream, chilles and more.

Sunday August 25

Breakfast: Fruit and yogurt bowl using silk coconut unsweetened yogurt, strawberries, blueberries, peaches, hemp seeds, chia seeds

Lunch: Left overs from my burrito bowl

Dinner: A Sol veggie burger on an O Dough vegan/gluten free and no sugar added hamburger bun with fresh green beans

Exercise: Short walk with husband and Lola

Enjoyed time at the beach today – was super windy and the waves were crashing but we both had child like fun jumping through the waves! The water has warmed up as well – it was maybe 74-75 degrees.

We also enjoyed a camp fire at night!

I didn’t lose any weight this week – however i enjoyed my food and my holidays. I also didn’t exercise as much or as long as I typically would have. Overall it was a nice holiday spent with my parents and husband and Lola of course! I feel a lot better than I have in ages. I attribute this to dietary changes, an increase in exercise, getting outside more and my emotions and mentality getting stronger. I look for the good in things and try not to always focus on the bad or negative. This has been a work in progress for me as I lived my life for a great many years always looking at the “bad” or negative and complaining about things that I could easily change.

Image result for period talk

Now if you are a man reading this you might want to tune out…I’d like to talk a little bit about changes in my cycle. So I have been making changes to my eating habits since around June. I have been limiting animal products and oils as well. Despite best efforts sometimes the fat levels may be higher than I would have wanted them but it’s been a work in progress.

This month I noticed distinct cycle changes. My cycle was around 7 days late (which stressed me out of course that probably made everything worse) but when it came….cramps weren’t that bad and my flow was super light. This is very unusual for me. Most of my life I have suffered pretty heavy flow and horrific cramps. Could this be the dietary changes as well as the new supplement regime lightening everything up? I’m not sure, but if it is, it’s definitely a welcomed change.

Stay tuned..I have more posts to share with you all this week 🙂