Body Image and Reaching Self Acceptance – What it looked like for me.

Most of this was written in 2017. I have made some changes and updated the end of it 🙂 Enjoy!

Today, On world kindness day, I’d like to talk a little bit about body image and self acceptance. Yes, it’s very important to be kind to one another but most importantly we be kind to ourselves. It was only when I reached this point and viewing myself in the highest light possible that I could start releasing the physical weight.

What does it mean to really accept oneself? How do we get to this place of true self acceptance and happiness – no matter what our outer shell looks like. Did you know that your negative self talk can actually affect other people and bring them down? Coming from someone who has struggled with disordered eating and disordered thought processes for many, many years….I hope you know that you can trust what I’m about to tell you!

This has been a true lifelong struggle of mine. Despite reaching my highest weight of 265 in 2017 I still felt OK (albeit a little too comfortable in that position).

I accepted myself despite the facts. I had hated myself for so many years before that and I was weary and tired. It always felt like a sense of dread and self loathing in my own skin. For many years – I couldn’t even look at myself in a mirror.  I used to be so down on myself and negative…it really affected my life and relationships. I wasted SO MANY YEARS!!! I wouldn’t buy myself new outfits – I’d wear the same thing day after day. I found joy in nothing. I was stuck in shitty friendships where I let people take advantage of me and just put up with the SHIT. I would stay in bed ALOT and not leave the house. I had developed a pretty nasty binge eating disorder.

  I am writing this so that you don’t do the same. It’s imperative that we change our thoughts – it will change our life. And nothing can change…I repeat NOTHING – if you do not change the way you think. It takes time. For me it took years. For me over 25 years. And sometimes the thoughts revert back…but I don’t let them float around in my head for very long. I observe them, see what they might mean and then let them go.

Something has slowly shifted in my thought process over the past two years. It actually really bothers me now when I hear in person or read online negative self talk (i.e girls/guys talking about “fat” they are or other people fat shaming people”) It makes me sad and brings me back to all those years I wasted being caught up in the negative self talk and chaotic thought process that goes along with that. All that time I wasted in suffering mode rather than making conscious change to do something positive about it.

Lets get real…Ok – I have FAT still (a lot of it) I have cellulite, I have stretch marks – these are all just facts for the moment. They are fluid facts…they will change and have started to change since last year (sometimes completely) and improve over time. These current facts do not describe me fully as a human being. I have learned to not let it affect me. I find joy in shopping now even if it’s at plus sized stores (who cares?) I find clothing that fits my body how it is now. I thought my plus size wedding dress fit me perfectly and I wore the hell out of it! I did not starve myself just because my wedding day was down the road. Just because I accept myself now fully for what I am, does not mean I want to stay here nor does it mean that I am a stagnant rock, not wanting to improve my outer shell. No…I do want to  continually make improvements – but for my own sanity and for the sanity of those around me I had to switch my thought process – I had to shed the negativity which filled me with chaos and depression for many years. I don’t allow these things to stress me out anymore and dictate how my days will be. I could not function that way. I had to let it go.

And it was a struggle…and I got it wrong…and I had to work HARD at it. And it’s still a struggle and it’s something I’m going to have to continue to work on. But it was possible. Little by little I started feeling better. I got happier, I felt better in the morning, I found joy in that plus size outfit I was rocking…I found joy in putting on some makeup, made positive life changes, dropped negative relationships and surrounded myself with positive people. Along with that I tried my best to drop the negative self talk. Things moved fast for me. I met the most amazing man who supported and uplifted me, some negative relationships had to fall away, I left a job where I was forced to continually work with a negative co-worker, got engaged, moved in with my man, got married.  I found new passions and talents. And I attribute all of these amazing positive life changes to deciding to accept myself fully no matter what that looked like for me from day to day. I know you can do this too and if you are struggling, feel free to drop me a line – I can lend an ear and see if I can shed some light and perhaps some hope. 

It is now November of 2019. Since writing this (above) in 2017 I have lost over 40 pounds, I am able to walk long distances with my dog every day, my BMI has dropped by over 8 points, I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food has improved. I have enrolled in a holistic nutrition program in the hopes of helping others some day.

You can rewire yourself and shift your reality! You don’t need to be in the same place this time, next year.

Be kind to yourself today and every day <3

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What I ate last week – Try better next time

Not my healthiest week ever – but it is what it is! I still enjoyed every bite. It was a yummy week. As someone who has struggled with disordered eating I find it a fine line when it comes to limiting various foods (in my case right now, fats) It’s fairly easy to get sucked into the rabbit hole of binging and restriction again and I just don’t ever want to head in that direction. I try to practice intuitive eating as much as possible. And so I try not to be too hard on myself when I have a less than stellar food week (more processed foods than I would like). I did make some great choices but overall the fat content was higher than I would have liked and I seem to get the best results with my blood glucose levels when my fat stays consistently low (under 30 G per day) If I didn’t have to pay attention to my blood sugar levels this would be a different story and I probably wouldn’t care as much.

Monday September 16th

Breakfast: Two toasted tomatos on UDIS millet chia gluten free bread with hellmans vegan mayo

Snack: Fruit plate

Lunch: Protein shake with sun warrior portein powder, 1 frozen banana, 2 dates and pumpkin pie spice

Snack: Natures Path organic granola coconut and cashew butter with cashew milk

Dinner: Big salad with lots of veggies, Gardein crispy chickun strips, hot sauce, homemade cashew ranch (yum), and guacamole

This was honestly so delicious. I guess sometimes you crave the fat lol

Tuesday September 17th

Breakfast: Fruit plate – banana, pineapple, mango

Lunch: Chicken wrap using left overs

Snack: Low fat vegan pumpkin muffin

Dinner: Vegan Red Lentil Chilli (low fat)

You can’t even tell this is not real chicken. It was amazing.
I had the itch to bake! Vegan low fat pumpkin muffins

Wednesday September 18th

Breakfast: 1 Vegan pumpkin muffin with earth balance and a coffee

Snack: Peaches

Lunch: Wrap with left over red lentil chilli, hummus and green onions

Snack: Half cup Presidents choice mango coconut milk based nice cream

Dinner: We went to Costco tonight so ate dinner out before hand at Mucho burrito – I got a whole wheat burrito filled with veggie ground, lettuce, tomato, peppers, onions, corn, cilantro, guac and hot sauce. Yum! I asked Brent to take a picture of it for the blog because I typically leave my phone at home when we go out. Well lets just say he didn’t just take a picture of the burrito! Typical husband.

Exercise: 45 minute walk

Thought everyone would get a kick out of this. I have food all over my face.

Thursday September 19th

Breakfast: 1 Vegan pumpkin muffin with coffee

Lunch: “TLT” – Experimenting with Tofu I got at Costco. I made a tofu, lettuce, tomato sammie and the tofu did actually resemble bacon! Topped with avocado, lettuce,tomato and vegan mayo.

Snack: 2 bananas with peanut butter

Dinner: Medical medium soup left over from the 3.6.9 cleanse which I added a can of coconut milk and curry powder too as per his suggestion in his book to make the soup a heartier meal.

Exercise: 1 hour clogging class

Friday September 20th

It was a VERY busy weekend…but fun!

Breakfast: Part 1: Coffee with vegan pumpkin muffin Part 2: later in the morning a beyond meat lettuce and tomato biscuit from Tim Hortons

Lunch: I was out with Chantel today and we went to Burrito boyz. This was my first time trying out this place and it was pretty good! Got my usual a small burrito with veggie ground and all the fixings. We also visited “the Woo shop” and I made some fun little purchases.

In the evening Brent and I went to see a concert featuring Dallas Smith, Dean Brody, The Reklaws and Mackenzie Porter. I danced for 4 hours straight and YES I did record that down into chronometer 😉 I was exhausted by the end of the night and hangry. We stopped at the only place open (subway) and I got a veggie sub on wheat.

Image result for dallas smith tour
I’m very into the woo.

Saturday September 21

This morning we got up early to take care of our two young nieces. We were pretty dang tired but coffee made it happen!

Breakfast: Coffee, 2 bananas with peanut butter

Lunch: A wrap with onion and garlic hummus and arugula and left over medical medium soup (while everyone else ate their kraft dinner) :/ Not sure how moms do it?

Snack: Homemade guacamole with tostitos

Dinner: Brent made dinner tonight – as I was snoring on the couch. I woke up to a bbqed Dr Pragers veggie burger with all the fixings and homemade french fries made in the acti-fryer (low/no oil) Delish.

Exercise: walked several times today with our nieces and Lola

Sunday September 22

Woke up early today and had a day trip to visit my parents by the lake!

Breakfast: On the road, Tim Hortons beyond meat sausage biscuit and coffee with soy cream

Lunch: 2 arugula and hummus wraps and vegetable sushi rolls

Snack: Coconut bliss salted caramel and chocolate icecream

Dinner: Also on the road – A&W Beyond meat burger with all the fixings, onion rings and diet coke

See what I mean about heavy on the processed foods this week? Oh well you win some you lose some and I will keep pressing on and trying better.

Exercise: At least an hour of walking spread out throughout the day

I don’t typically share my drinks for the day. Usually I drink filtered water, bubbly water, tea or coffee.

No scale check today but I do wish to share this progress shot with you!

This is around one year apart – same pants, although I could hardly move in them in the first picture and now they pull up past my belly button and are extremely comfortable! You can do anything if you believe in yourself and feel passion towards your journey.

Rewild Your Life Week Challenge Day 6/7

” Today’s challenge is simple. Find a place that allows for a view of the whole sky… the more the better. Lay a blanket down. Put on some sunglasses if it’s really bright and sunny. Lie on your back and look up at the sky. Watch the clouds or the clear blue sky. Try to spot any flying creatures. Look at the tree tops if there are any around you and imagine what it would be like to be up there. Do this for at least 30 minutes today. “

I felt like a kid again 🙂 My buddy Lola was with me. It was nice to get outside for 30 minutes and just lay down and let the stress leave my body. I definitely have to continue to incorporate sky watching into my days!

I’m a little sad that the last day of the challenge is tomorrow but definitely thinking of trying the paid for 30 day challenge.

Rewild Your Life Week Challenge Day 4/7

Rewild Your Life Week Challenge Day 4/7

Tree sit

I sat under this beautiful tree for over 30 minutes. I honestly do this almost daily as I find it quite cathartic and calming. Trees have wisdom and mega healing powers. And best thing of all? It’s free to do.

When I am feeling anxious, anxiety, or getting that urge to binge eat or eat foods that probably won’t make me feel my best – I simply take some deep breaths and remind myself how great I feel after spending some time outside and usually it really does the trick! Try it out!