Body Image and Reaching Self Acceptance – What it looked like for me.

Most of this was written in 2017. I have made some changes and updated the end of it 🙂 Enjoy!

Today, On world kindness day, I’d like to talk a little bit about body image and self acceptance. Yes, it’s very important to be kind to one another but most importantly we be kind to ourselves. It was only when I reached this point and viewing myself in the highest light possible that I could start releasing the physical weight.

What does it mean to really accept oneself? How do we get to this place of true self acceptance and happiness – no matter what our outer shell looks like. Did you know that your negative self talk can actually affect other people and bring them down? Coming from someone who has struggled with disordered eating and disordered thought processes for many, many years….I hope you know that you can trust what I’m about to tell you!

This has been a true lifelong struggle of mine. Despite reaching my highest weight of 265 in 2017 I still felt OK (albeit a little too comfortable in that position).

I accepted myself despite the facts. I had hated myself for so many years before that and I was weary and tired. It always felt like a sense of dread and self loathing in my own skin. For many years – I couldn’t even look at myself in a mirror.  I used to be so down on myself and negative…it really affected my life and relationships. I wasted SO MANY YEARS!!! I wouldn’t buy myself new outfits – I’d wear the same thing day after day. I found joy in nothing. I was stuck in shitty friendships where I let people take advantage of me and just put up with the SHIT. I would stay in bed ALOT and not leave the house. I had developed a pretty nasty binge eating disorder.

  I am writing this so that you don’t do the same. It’s imperative that we change our thoughts – it will change our life. And nothing can change…I repeat NOTHING – if you do not change the way you think. It takes time. For me it took years. For me over 25 years. And sometimes the thoughts revert back…but I don’t let them float around in my head for very long. I observe them, see what they might mean and then let them go.

Something has slowly shifted in my thought process over the past two years. It actually really bothers me now when I hear in person or read online negative self talk (i.e girls/guys talking about “fat” they are or other people fat shaming people”) It makes me sad and brings me back to all those years I wasted being caught up in the negative self talk and chaotic thought process that goes along with that. All that time I wasted in suffering mode rather than making conscious change to do something positive about it.

Lets get real…Ok – I have FAT still (a lot of it) I have cellulite, I have stretch marks – these are all just facts for the moment. They are fluid facts…they will change and have started to change since last year (sometimes completely) and improve over time. These current facts do not describe me fully as a human being. I have learned to not let it affect me. I find joy in shopping now even if it’s at plus sized stores (who cares?) I find clothing that fits my body how it is now. I thought my plus size wedding dress fit me perfectly and I wore the hell out of it! I did not starve myself just because my wedding day was down the road. Just because I accept myself now fully for what I am, does not mean I want to stay here nor does it mean that I am a stagnant rock, not wanting to improve my outer shell. No…I do want to  continually make improvements – but for my own sanity and for the sanity of those around me I had to switch my thought process – I had to shed the negativity which filled me with chaos and depression for many years. I don’t allow these things to stress me out anymore and dictate how my days will be. I could not function that way. I had to let it go.

And it was a struggle…and I got it wrong…and I had to work HARD at it. And it’s still a struggle and it’s something I’m going to have to continue to work on. But it was possible. Little by little I started feeling better. I got happier, I felt better in the morning, I found joy in that plus size outfit I was rocking…I found joy in putting on some makeup, made positive life changes, dropped negative relationships and surrounded myself with positive people. Along with that I tried my best to drop the negative self talk. Things moved fast for me. I met the most amazing man who supported and uplifted me, some negative relationships had to fall away, I left a job where I was forced to continually work with a negative co-worker, got engaged, moved in with my man, got married.  I found new passions and talents. And I attribute all of these amazing positive life changes to deciding to accept myself fully no matter what that looked like for me from day to day. I know you can do this too and if you are struggling, feel free to drop me a line – I can lend an ear and see if I can shed some light and perhaps some hope. 

It is now November of 2019. Since writing this (above) in 2017 I have lost over 40 pounds, I am able to walk long distances with my dog every day, my BMI has dropped by over 8 points, I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food has improved. I have enrolled in a holistic nutrition program in the hopes of helping others some day.

You can rewire yourself and shift your reality! You don’t need to be in the same place this time, next year.

Be kind to yourself today and every day <3

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Rewild Your Life Week Challenge Day 3/7

Day 3/7

Sit outside in silence, observe your surroundings, try not to make yourself seen or known.

I sat under our beautiful old black walnut tree and enjoyed the peacefulness of it all. I enjoyed the birds coming and going and the squirrels tending to their walnuts.

Losing weight, getting healthy, getting fit – is so much more than just nutrition and working out. That is a huge part of it yes…but so is balancing and healing your emotions, feeding your soul and being well mentally. I believe the more one can get outside and enjoy the peacefulness of it all, the better off we will be on our healing journeys.

Rewild Your Life Week Challenge Day 1/7

Day 1 – Spend 30 minutes outside in nature

Losing weight takes so much more than just nourishing food and physical fitness work. At times it also means balancing your emotions and lowering your stress responses. This is what being outside in nature does for me.

I felt a sense of relief as I looked around at my beautiful surroundings. I enjoyed watching the ducks in the water and could feel the peacefulness around me. I took in deep breaths as I let the day go. It feels good to be care free yet practicing mindfulness at the same time.

Find out more at We Are Wildness

Food & Exercise Journal – August 26-Sept 1 – Lazy Days, Weight Check in, Life changes, School and more!

Hello everyone! Happy back to school day if you or your kidlets are heading back today!

Well this past week has been kind of a lazy one for me. For one reason or another (excuses such as…having my period, unpacking from our trip, family events) I seemed to have taken a bit of a break from my daily exercise and so really must get back into the swing of things! I am acknowledging that I have made excuses for myself feeling lazy.

Monday August 26th

Still in Port Elgin on holidays, loving the outdoors and slowing down a bit. Enjoying some good food along the way.

Breakfast: Udis gluten free toasted cinnamon raisin bagel with a bit of earth balance butter.

Snack: left over baked potato and veggies with hummus

Lunch: Veggie roll sushi with wasabi and pickled ginger

Dinner: My dad treated us to pizza. Of course I got the spicy pineapple (daiya cheese and yves meat free ham) from New Orleans Pizza. So good!

Tuesday August 27th

Back to reality – back home today!

We wanted to visit the Keady market today but it was raining so decided against it. Instead we took a drive by the lake – got breakfast (not pictured) and just sat and enjoyed the gloomy scenery.

Breakfast: Tim Hortons Plant based sausage, lettuce and tomato biscuit with hash brown and coffee. I ordered my coffee black and used some soy creamer when I got back.

Lunch: Before heading home I ate this little microwave meal I picked up a few days earlier (just to have something on hand that was convenient) This is the Gardein orange beefless bowl. It was spicy and quite delicious!

For the road: Stopped at The Pea Pod for one last hurrah – got their special weekly drink which happened to be a dairy free golden milk with an extra shot of espresso (yum) and we snacked on some fresh local cherry tomato.

Dinner: Sol original griller burger with all the fixins, ODough gluten free hamburger bun, cob of corn

Exercise: 20 minute walk with husband and Lola

Wednesday August 28th

Breakfast: Coffee with soy creamer and Udis plain bagel toasted with earth balance

Lunch: Veggie Sandwich

Snack: Lots of yummy melons we picked up while on holiday all grown locally

Dinner: Potato, veggie and chickpea curry

Thursday August 29th

Breakfast: Coffee with soy creamer, melon and blueberries

Snack: Unsweetened coconut yogurt with blueberries, chia seed and flaxseed

Lunch: Left over veggie curry

Dinner: Dr Pragers veggie burger with all the fixins on an O Dough

Friday August 30th

Breakfast: Udis gluten free bagel toasted with earth balance

Lunch: mixed green salad with chopped veggies and black beans

Snack: bowl of mixed melons

Dinner: Brown rice spaghetti cooked with peppers, zucchini, onions, garlic, green chillis and peanut sauce

It doesn’t look appealing but it was yummy!

Saturday August 31

Breakfast: Found a new style of the Odough product which I have been loving this summer. At Goodness me we found the 100 calorie ODough bagel thins which also happen to be gluten free vegan and no sugar added. They actually are pretty dang tasty. This morning I had one of the bagel thins with Hellmans vegan mayo and some of our garden tomato

Lunch: Had a big salad with regular green lettuce, spinach, red peppers, cucumber and mother raw dressing. I also had a bowl of left over peanut noddles cold.

Snack: Mango

Dinner: Morning star farms black bean chipolte burger (no bun) with a baked potato topped with cooked spinach, broccoli, nutritional yeast and tofutti sour cream.

It was such a beautiful late Summer day today. Spent time by the pool and got some much needed vitamin D!

Preparing my mind AND kitchen for liver rescue 3.6.9!

Sunday September first

No pictures taken today!

We spent most of the day at my sister in laws house for a birthday celebration for my father in law. For our contribution we brought a vegan potato salad (made with hellmans vegan mayo) along with a beautiful 3 bean salad which consisted of mixed beans, garden cucumber, parsley, dill and italian dressing.

I had a large plate of cooked mushrooms (instead of choosing a burger) mixed garden salad, 3 bean salad, potato salad and a large slice of a tomato. Dessert for me was 3 small brownies that my mother in law made and some strawberries. All in all it was a nice Sunday!

Weight Check In

Haven’t done this for awhile! It was kind of nice ignoring the scale for awhile and I guess it worked!

SW: 265 September 2018

SW at Day one of dietary changes journey 9 weeks ago: 250

CW: 234

So that’s 2 more pounds down since my last check in around 3 weeks ago 🙂

I don’t always want to focus JUST on weight loss. Truth is anything could happen today or tomorrow that might set me back in terms of weight loss. But the important thing is im changing the way I look at food and how I relate to it and life. I’m learning and doing what’s best for my body and that’s what it most important.

While any amount of weight loss is extremely difficult and we should applaud people for doing it for the right reasons (health) we should also applaud the growth and everything that goes along with that.

Here’s what has been changing for me along the way:

– mindset – acknowledging how I feel and not holding onto those feelings. This was a big obstacle for me. I worked on it. 
-living in the present with few worries
– food choices – improved. Choosing food that makes me feel good despite the opinions of others.
– looking forward to “go out and do” 
– new goals: registered in a holistic nutrition diploma program 
– able to walk longer 
– able to swim longer 
– sugar levels have decreased 
– digestion has improved 
– no more painful skin rash 
– greater knowledge of what’s going on inside my body as I got over my fear of blood testing 
– happier in hot and sunny weather. Before I would dread it because I sweat a lot 😂🤣

❤️❤️❤️

Finally

My school books have arrived! EEEK

So looking forward to taking you all on this journey with me!

More to come <3