I have shared many transformation Tuesdays on my various social media platforms but perhaps not many here on the blog! And since this is the second last Tuesday of 2019 I thought it would be a good day to share.
Only a few days left in 2019. Good time to reflect!
No…I didnt join a gym in 2019. Probably won’t in 2020 either 😂👍 I don’t have to over exercise or kill myself in the gym to “burn off calories” I did however participate in the occasional Zumba class, took up clogging (really just glorified tap dancing) swam almost daily in the summer and made friends with the sidewalk. 😂
I increased my carbs by a lot….so many beans, potatos and different kinds of fruits. I’ve never eaten so much in my life. My mindset has changed. My relationship to food and life in general has improved. I have let go of a ton of food fears and myths (um, hello fruit I love you). My health continues to improve. It’s the kindest I’ve ever been to my body and self in my life.
I never feel the need, desire or urge to binge or restrict. It’s such a relief. I have noticed that there is still unfortunately an unhealthy diet culture even in the “plant based” community which I seemed to have ventured into on this journey. Very structured, rigid, unforgiving, using disordered eating language and more. 🤦♀️ it’s so easy to get sucked in. I have had a hard time throughout this journey with putting a label on how I have been losing the weight i.e high carb? Low fat? Plant based? Which you will see if you read over my previous blog posts. In the end none of these labels matter. The way I have been improving my life is no better than anyone elses way and doesn’t really need a label. It’s unique to me and that will have to be good enough 🙂 This is what I will continue to share, my journey – messy yet authentic and ever changing.
If you need one takeaway from this let it be this: Be kind to yourself today and every day.
I have also started a Youtube channel – join me by subscribing if you are interested in keeping up with my journey 🙂
Most of this was written in 2017. I have made some changes and updated the end of it 🙂 Enjoy!
Today, On world kindness day, I’d like to talk a little bit about body image and self acceptance. Yes, it’s very important to be kind to one another but most importantly we be kind to ourselves. It was only when I reached this point and viewing myself in the highest light possible that I could start releasing the physical weight.
What does it mean to really accept oneself? How do we get to this place of true self acceptance and happiness – no matter what our outer shell looks like. Did you know that your negative self talk can actually affect other people and bring them down? Coming from someone who has struggled with disordered eating and disordered thought processes for many, many years….I hope you know that you can trust what I’m about to tell you!
This has been a true lifelong struggle of mine. Despite reaching my highest weight of 265 in 2017 I still felt OK (albeit a little too comfortable in that position).
I accepted myself despite the facts. I had hated myself for so many years before that and I was weary and tired. It always felt like a sense of dread and self loathing in my own skin. For many years – I couldn’t even look at myself in a mirror. I used to be so down on myself and negative…it really affected my life and relationships. I wasted SO MANY YEARS!!! I wouldn’t buy myself new outfits – I’d wear the same thing day after day. I found joy in nothing. I was stuck in shitty friendships where I let people take advantage of me and just put up with the SHIT. I would stay in bed ALOT and not leave the house. I had developed a pretty nasty binge eating disorder.
I am writing this so that you don’t do the same. It’s imperative that we change our thoughts – it will change our life. And nothing can change…I repeat NOTHING – if you do not change the way you think. It takes time. For me it took years. For me over 25 years. And sometimes the thoughts revert back…but I don’t let them float around in my head for very long. I observe them, see what they might mean and then let them go.
Something has slowly shifted in my thought process over the past two years. It actually really bothers me now when I hear in person or read online negative self talk (i.e girls/guys talking about “fat” they are or other people fat shaming people”) It makes me sad and brings me back to all those years I wasted being caught up in the negative self talk and chaotic thought process that goes along with that. All that time I wasted in suffering mode rather than making conscious change to do something positive about it.
Lets get real…Ok – I have FAT still (a lot of it) I have cellulite, I have stretch marks – these are all just facts for the moment. They are fluid facts…they will change and have started to change since last year (sometimes completely) and improve over time. These current facts do not describe me fully as a human being. I have learned to not let it affect me. I find joy in shopping now even if it’s at plus sized stores (who cares?) I find clothing that fits my body how it is now. I thought my plus size wedding dress fit me perfectly and I wore the hell out of it! I did not starve myself just because my wedding day was down the road. Just because I accept myself now fully for what I am, does not mean I want to stay here nor does it mean that I am a stagnant rock, not wanting to improve my outer shell. No…I do want to continually make improvements – but for my own sanity and for the sanity of those around me I had to switch my thought process – I had to shed the negativity which filled me with chaos and depression for many years. I don’t allow these things to stress me out anymore and dictate how my days will be. I could not function that way. I had to let it go.
And it was a struggle…and I got it wrong…and I had to work HARD at it. And it’s still a struggle and it’s something I’m going to have to continue to work on. But it was possible. Little by little I started feeling better. I got happier, I felt better in the morning, I found joy in that plus size outfit I was rocking…I found joy in putting on some makeup, made positive life changes, dropped negative relationships and surrounded myself with positive people. Along with that I tried my best to drop the negative self talk. Things moved fast for me. I met the most amazing man who supported and uplifted me, some negative relationships had to fall away, I left a job where I was forced to continually work with a negative co-worker, got engaged, moved in with my man, got married. I found new passions and talents. And I attribute all of these amazing positive life changes to deciding to accept myself fully no matter what that looked like for me from day to day. I know you can do this too and if you are struggling, feel free to drop me a line – I can lend an ear and see if I can shed some light and perhaps some hope.
It is now November of 2019. Since writing this (above) in 2017 I have lost over 40 pounds, I am able to walk long distances with my dog every day, my BMI has dropped by over 8 points, I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food has improved. I have enrolled in a holistic nutrition program in the hopes of helping others some day.
You can rewire yourself and shift your reality! You don’t need to be in the same place this time, next year.
Hope you are all doing well. We are officially out of the little (or perhaps not so little) 6 week challenge that I had put myself through in order to change some of my eating and lifestyle habits but I think I want to continue sharing my weekly eats and exercise as it’s something I enjoy 🙂 I have actually grown much more interested in this than anticipated.
With that being said I will have another fun little challenge coming up so look forward to that most likely starting Monday September 2. I will be completing the Medical Medium 3.6.9 Liver cleanse! I have been re reading the book and it’s definitely inspired me.
OK…lets get to the goods. I haven’t been taking as many pictures but I will share what I have.
Monday August 12
Breakfast: Coffee with silk soy cream and GF toast
Lunch: Cucumber and celery with hummus
Snack: Half cup B+J dairy free icecream
Dinner: Big salad with black beans, homemade pico de gallo, assorted veggies, cashew sauce and hot sauce
Today I had another follow up doctors appointment with my current Naturopath doctor.
Summary of appointment
We took a look at the latest results from the lab tests
High Iron (runs in the family) So it’s a good thing I have chosen to limit meat consumption! I have to start drinking green tea or regular tea with my meals and perhaps in the future might have to give blood regularly.
Try to add more protein (I’m on the fence about this) I believe we can get all of the protein we need from a plant based diet….and when someone suggests adding in more protein or a higher protein diet this is also suggesting a higher fat diet in disguise. Even so, I could always use more plant based protein.
She is not really sure about a vegan/vegetarian diet but will support my choices. (She advocates for low carb/keto)
Refilled my supplements which have been helping
Weighed me and I was down 15 pounds on her scale (in the evening too!) since last appointment
Continue to monitor blood sugar as im comfortable with (I try to daily) 2 afters after a meal
Continue taking supplements and increase b12 from 1000 to 2000-5000
Continue light to moderate exercise
Increase water intake
Tuesday August 13:
Breakfast: Coffee with silk soy creamer, half cup of oats topped with 1 peach chopped and some vanilla almond milk
Snack: 2 tbsp pumpkin seeds (unsalted, raw)
Unexpected brunch: Tim hortons beyond sausage lettuce
and tomato and hash brown from chantel
Lunch: Sunwarrior protein powder, 1 banana, almond milk, water, ice, cinnamon and inositol supplement – protein shake
Snack: celery with hummus
Dinner: cooked cauliflower with Heinz beans
Exercise: Short evening walk
Chantel brought me back the nicest gifts from her trip to Orlando for the Younique Convention.
Wednesday August 14
Breakfast: Coffee with silk soy creamer, half cup oats with blueberries, so delicious coconut milk yogurt (unsweetened) and peanut butter
Lunch: Medical Medium spinach soup, celery with
Snack: 2 tbsps pumpkin seeds
Snack: Protein shake with chocolate sun warrior
powder, banana, almond milk, water, cinnamon, ice
Dinner: High Carb Hannah cheddar and broccoli soup – delicious but next time will add some fried onions and celery and fresh garlic. Over a little bit of brown rice. Even Brent enjoyed this which is saying something!
Had a pedicure this evening in anticipation of an upcoming wedding i will be attending – was relaxing #selfcare. Also I have to mention – since changing my diet and taking better care of myself all around – I have noticed a huge improvement in the bottom of my feet. Less painful cracks and less dry skin which can both come along as a result of diabetes or blood sugar issues and infections.
Thursday August 15
Breakfast: Coffee with soy creamer, half cup of
cooked oats with Bobs flax, almond milk and blueberries
Lunch: Cooked zucchini, bell peppers, gardein crispy chickun mandarin orange and a little bit of rice
Snack: Veggie straws
Snack: So delicious coconut milk vanilla unsweetened
yogurt with pumpkin seeds
Exercise: Walk 40 minutes, swimming 30 minutes
Friday August 16
Breakfast: Rudolphs Bavarian rye bread toasted, 1
slice of Emmi-Swiss lactose free swiss cheese, 1 tbsp hummus and spinach,
Coffee with soy creamer
Lunch: arugula raw, black beans, bell peppers, pico
de gallo, mushrooms, onions
Snack: 1 cup of blueberries
Snack: Protein shake – 1 scoop chocolate protein powder, unsweetened almond milk, cinnamon and inositol (will talk about this supplement soon!)
Lola and I have shaved 5 minutes off of our typical 45 minute walk!
Saturday August 17
Went to a wedding today. I didn’t want to be that pain that required a different meal so I just had a little bit of your traditional “wedding food” It Was fun getting dressed up but a very very hot day.
Breakfast: 2 natures path maple cinnamon waffles topped with peanut butter, maple syrup and blueberries with coffee
Lunch: Argula , pico de gallo, black beans, cucumber, cashew dressing with cheesy vegan pasta left overs
Dinner: half of a small chicken breast, cooked veggies, 2 small roast potato, coleslaw, about half a cup of red wine. I declined the gravy and heavy looking sauce for the chicken. I took 2 bites of dessert which was a homemade ice cream and then gave the rest to my husband.
It was overly sweet and I just could not have any more. I haven’t had these kinds of food since June and I am not interested in getting started again and that’s all I really have to say about that!
I need to continue on working on my confidence with the ability to simply say no to things I don’t want and things that don’t make me feel good. Why should I eat something that makes me feel like shit just to appease someone else? They don’t live in and with my body and know how I feel.
And while I didn’t want this food..I also did not want to be a pain in the butt to the bride and groom to provide an entirely other meal which I know is kind of a nuisance and costs extra money usually. The ability to say no without fear is something I will have to work on throughout my life time!
While I don’t identify as vegan or even vegetarian – I still
have been eating that way 95 percent of the time as that’s when I feel my best.
I woke up at 4:30-5 am the morning after the wedding feeling like a punching bag. I was so dehydrated and swollen. I told my husband that it felt like I had inhaled a large pizza! This proves to me that I really don’t want to be going back to eating how I was. It was not benefiting me at all.
Sunday August 18th
As you read above I got an early start to my day. I drank 4-5 tall glasses of water to hydrate myself between 4 and 5 in the morning.
Brent had to work so he picked up some breakfast and dropped it off for me which was very sweet!
Breakfast: 1 large Tim Hortons coffee black (which I added soy creamer too) and the beyond meat, lettuce and tomato sausage biscuit with a hashbrown.
Lunch: A big salad with arugula, spinach, black beans, pico de gallo, veggies and peanut sauce
Dinner: Left over vegan cheddar and broccoli soup topped with smoked paprika and lots of dill.
I chose not to weigh myself this week as I had already checked in at the doctors office and was feeling pretty good about where I was at! I will check on the 26th and check in on here as well with that update 🙂 I choose not to weigh more than once a week for my mindset, mentality and peace of mind and heart. I will update you all with some clothing shots though and this quote which i found that sums up my health journey pretty well.
“Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.” -Carl Jung
Ok…now….are you ready for my big news
-insert drumroll sound-
I have enrolled in the CSNN – Canadian School of Natural Nutrition distance education program in hopes of completing and successfully achieving my diploma and certification as a Holistic Nutritionist. Kinda geeking out and excited to be a student again!
I am so excited to learn and grow on this new exciting journey and of course share with you guys a long the way! Remember beautiful things can come out of difficult experiences.
I have made a new goal for the next few weeks in August now that I’m out of the 6 week countdown! This goal is to clean up my diet even more. No giving up now! Last week wasn’t the best in terms of processed foods. I am Learning every day.
I want to bump up the greens and plants and limit grains just a little. Doesn’t mean giving them all up completely – just reducing the amount of them I have been consuming. Love oats in the morning ❤️
Ultimately I would love to get out of the 200s …so around 35 pounds to go! I plan on doing this through a series of fun challenges to keep my interest high and my tummy full of highly nutritious foods!
I will be adding some helpful resources over the coming weeks to the blog for you all to check out, from helpful books, resources, mindset tips, ways to overcome binge eating and more.
I really can’t believe the difference here. I can’t really recognize the woman in the first photo. She was uncomfortable, embodied by just layers of unhealthy conditioning and physical ailments that got in the way of herself really enjoying and living her best life. Goodbye to her.