Conquering My Fear of Being Seen – through Zumba group fitness

So…on April 18th I did something I never thought I would do. I took a GROUP Zumba class. I grew up attending group dance classes. I spent the better half of the first 16 years of my life in studios, performing on stages and in competitive dance. But I gave that life up. I actually didn’t even like looking at myself in the mirror during my dance days either. I remember during one competitive practice when I wouldn’t look up from the floor and would not look at myself in the mirror and my dance teacher at the time SCREAMED at me until i did. I left that class sobbing and emotionally distraught.

When I started gaining weight in my teen years, turning to food for emotional support and getting into relationships with narcissist men my self esteem took a turn for the worst at such a young age. I stopped exercising, eating right and hid myself away.

I realized not too long ago that I had a deep routed fear of “being seen” – this includes acknowledging my self in a mirror, going out into public, socializing, meeting new people, trying new things etc. I thought back to various sign posts in my life where the fear of being seen took over me and prevented me from experiencing amazing things and living my life to the fullest potential possible. This includes something as simple as doing fitness for fun.

One day at the beginning of the month a sponsored add popped up in my Facebook feed advertising a “fun, local 1 hour weekly zumba class” It’s only a 2 minute walk from my house and even better the class is only 5.00 for one hour. I also know how to dance so Zumba isn’t really too out there for me. According to the interwebs:

“Zumba is an exercise fitness program created by Colombian dancer and choreographer Alberto “Beto” Perez during the 1990s. Zumba involves dance and aerobic movements performed to energetic music. The choreography incorporates hip-hop, soca, samba, salsa, merengue and mambo. Squats and lunges are also included ”

I sat on it and mulled it over for a few days. I kept bringing it up to my husband and he of course being such an encouraging soul said
“just do it! It might be fun! Just try it out and see!”

And so, one night…I decided to confirm the appointment and sign up for my first class. Then that day actually came. I spent that day fighting with my own inner demons otherwise known as my thoughts battling over why I shouldn’t go to this Zumba class. Everything from “I’m too big” “I won’t be able to keep up” “I’ll look dumb” to the very juvenile…”I don’t have nice enough work out clothes” And I battled up until the very last hour. My negative thoughts didn’t win, I’m happy to say. It was pouring rain so Brent offered to drive me over…I couldn’t possibly say no.

I am learning to follow and trust my intuition and doing the opposite of what the “old Jocelyn” would do. You see, the old Jocelyn would have signed up for this class and then come the day of would have flaked out and just tried to forget about it. This time around I’m happy to say I took the leap and followed through.

The first class was a little intense but everyone was so welcoming. I stood in the back to get the lay of the land. It was very high intensity, fast and energizing. We definitely did squat and lung as the above Zumba description described! I worked up an amazing sweat and drank my entire cantine of water bottle throughout the class. It was definitely a good cardio workout. The hour flew by though because the routines were fun and I loved the upbeat popular music. I was SO sore the next day too. I was also very sore after my second class. Hopefully the more I take these classes the better i will continue to feel after them. I have lived in this small town for almost 2 years and it took me that long to get over myself and my issues and try something new. If I can change up my thoughts, follow my intuition (doing something that I KNOW in my gut would be good for me) and follow through on things I find difficult – then I know you can too!

So As you can see, if you read my last post, April was not all poor decisions! I made one fantastic one and that was to join Zumba fitness šŸ™‚

I leave you with one of my fave Zumba songs and some fun moves!

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